Saturday, January 12, 2013

My Story: where it all began

So today I registered for my second ever race in the Calgary Marathon, and I thought that I would start a blog of my training and during to my 10k run on May 28th, in Calgary.

Naturally I thought I would start from the beginning and let you know just how important this 10k is to my journey of weight loss and my commitment to living a healthier life. As a kid, I grew up in a house of love and laughter. Through everything, my immediate family never put me down or judged me for my weight or who I was, which eternally I will always be grateful for, without them I would not be the strong, independent and healthy person I am today.

Growing up in a small town the people you meet in kindergarten are most likely the people you graduation high school with, thus once people get an opinion about you it sticks like super glue. My weight gain didn't hit me until I was in junior high, I started to hang out with the wrong group of people, and thus my decisions got poor as did my opinion of myself. In junior high, a lot of things are changing physically, and emotionally. All my childhood I was a competitive dancer, I danced an upwards of 4 times a week at my peak, it was my everything. However when I turned 14 my studio that I had been with for 11years told me that I wasn't good enough to be a part of their studio, that I didn't have the skill or body shape to fit into their "image". It crushed me, emotionally and sent a message to me that "no matter how much I loved it, I may not be good enough" that was a tough reality, and a reality I never wanted to face.

From that day forward, food became a comfort, it was something that would talk back to me, that wouldn't tell me I wasn't good enough. As food became more of a comfort to me, the weight began to pack on.. With that came teasing, my blog name "stories from an inner Bulga whale" was taken from a name I used to hear all the time in junior high and high school, Bulga Whale was something that was said to me in junior high gym class when I couldn't complete a running drill. It was something that fuelled my insecurity then but fuels my passion today. In gr. 7 I had something very scary happen to me, during the school track and field 400m dash, as I was approaching the finish line, I started getting sharp chest pains and had to stop before the finish line. Next thing I knew I was laying on the grass as my gym teacher was calling an ambulance. It was something I will never forget, a feeling of fear spread to my entire body, I was never someone who couldn't finish things....

As years went on, the teasing continued and I replaced my emotions with food. As I reached high school I would have a glimmer of hope as one of the most popular girls in school wanted to be friends with me... She saw me as worthy, she saw me as dependable and funny, most importantly she saw value in me as a person. However, as grade 12 approached I began to realize something about that friendship, and the fact that it wasn't really a friendship but a cancer. On a summer night after I turned 18 her and I went to e bar with some of her other friends, and I began to finally see the cancer it was and not the friendship, throughout the night she had asked me to take pictures of her and her friends with other guys and bodyguards but never once was I asked to be in the photo. That Christmas my cousin had bought me clothes for Christmas from a plus size store, that was more heartbreaking than I would ever explain. It brought to reality that people who were supposed to love me no matter what saw me as the fat girl "Bulga whale" I thought only I saw. It hurt me more than anyone really knew.

As I entered into my first year of university I met my best friend Allie, who I credit to helping me find the girl that was hiding inside and bringing her out and accepting her. During university I began to take classes of things that I was passionate about, and to discover myself and my potential. After two years at grant mac ewan, a brand new chapter of my life was  about to begin, as I was moving to Calgary to finish my degree and to move out for the first time.

It was my move to Calgary, that made me look in the mirror and say to myself, this is not who you are, YOU cannot settle for this.... You should not settle for this.. And thus began my 2 year journey of which I lost 40pounds. I didn't go on a crazy diet or workout plan, I called it my commitment to living for a better me. I completely changed how I ate, what I ate, and daily exercise.

Last year, I reached a milestone as I trained for my first 5k run in the Calgary Marathon. I never could run before, I scared of running since that day in junior high. I completed the 5k run in 41:19 and thus received a medal for my achievement. I have never been so proud. I felt like shouting a big "F YOU" to everyone who ever judged me, called me names or thought less of me because of my weight.

Now that brings us to today, as a start my training for my 10k I hope by sharing my story that people who read my blog, have the "ah ha" moment I had 3 years and make a commitment to healthier living!

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